Therapy Approaches: EFT for Couples

A Quick Look at EFT

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), developed by Dr. Sue Johnson, is one of the most well-established and effective approaches for helping couples strengthen their connection. It is grounded in attachment theory, the idea that human beings are social beings, and we all long for secure and supportive emotional bonds with our loved ones. Decades of research have shown that EFT is consistently effective across various contexts (e.g., Beasley & Ager, 2019; Ganz et al., 2022; Kailanko et al., 2022), and it can even change the way contact with a partner shapes our brain’s response to threat (Johnson et al., 2013).

The Big Ideas Behind EFT

As its name suggests, in essence, EFT focuses on the emotions that shape the way partners interact with one another. Instead of getting stuck in the surface-level arguments over and over again (recall those “here we go again” moments?), EFT helps partners recognize the deeper and likely more vulnerable emotional needs behind these surface-level arguments. For example, the need to feel loved, safe, and valued in the relationship. By helping partners better recognize and respond to such needs of one another with care, compassion, and empathy, a more secure emotional bond will develop over time. 

EFT views relationship struggles as centered on the loss of a secure emotional connection. We as human beings are “hardwired” for connection, and when that bond feels threatened, we develop a negative cycle of interaction where we may react, sometimes with anger, withdrawal, or blame (to name a few common reactions). By breaking this cycle and developing new positive interaction patterns, we can have that secure emotional connection back in the relationship.

What EFT Looks Like in Session

An EFT session often feels both collaborative and supportive. EFT therapists will observe and guide couples to slow down to map out their “dance” (cycle of interaction) in the relationship, specifically the feelings, the meaning-making process, the underlying vulnerable emotions, and attachment needs of each partner, and how they feed into each other in the “dance.” Then, EFT therapists will explore with and guide partners to respond differently in the difficult moments to create more understanding and compassion. Some common techniques include identifying negative cycles (e.g., demand-withdraw pattern), accessing and expressing primary emotions (i.e., the more vulnerable emotions), restructuring interactions so partners can reach for each other with vulnerability, etc.

Who Might Benefit Most from EFT

EFT has been shown to be effective in individual therapy, couple therapy, family therapy, and group therapy settings. For couples, EFT may be particularly helpful if you and your partner:

• are stuck in repetitive conflicts or communication breakdowns

• are experiencing emotional disconnection, loneliness, or distance in your relationship

• are struggling with healing and rebuilding trust after betrayals

• want to strengthen your bond in the face of external stress (e.g., financial strain, parenting challenges, chronic health stress, cultural or racial stressors)

• … (These are just a few examples, but many couples can benefit from EFT!)

What Makes EFT Helpful

 One of the unique strengths of EFT is that it doesn’t just focus on surface-level problems, but it gets to the emotional root of these problems. And by creating changes in the interaction patterns between you and your partner, EFT helps create positive, long-lasting changes in the relationship. 

Additionally, the strong evidence base with decades of research, the human-centered approach, and the systemic thinking in EFT all make it a very powerful therapy model.

What to Keep in Mind

However, this is not to say that EFT will always be the best fit in every situation. For example, for couples in active domestic violence situations, safety-focused interventions need to take priority. If one or both partners are unwilling or unable to engage emotionally, progress can also be slow. Also, some couples may prefer more structured, skills-based approaches if they want quick problem-solving. 

Oftentimes, your therapist may also combine EFT with other therapy models to help create a more tailored approach for your specific needs.

Key Takeaways

EFT offers couples a powerful way to move from conflict and disconnection toward safety, trust, and closeness. By focusing on core emotional needs and attachment bonds, EFT helps partners not just manage problems, but actually transform their relationship patterns.

If you’re curious about how EFT might support you and your partner, we’d love to talk more! In our office, Ariel practices this approach and would be happy to walk alongside you on this journey!

References

Beasley, C. C., & Ager, R. (2019). Emotionally focused couples therapy: A Systematic review of its effectiveness over the past 19 years. Journal of Evidence-Based Social Work, 16(2), 144–159. https://doi.org/10.1080/23761407.2018.1563013

Ganz, M. B., Rasmussen, H. F., McDougall, T. V., Corner, G. W., Black, T. T., & De Los Santos, H. F. (2022). Emotionally focused couple therapy within VA healthcare: Reductions in relationship distress, PTSD, and depressive symptoms as a function of attachment-based couple treatment. Couple and Family Psychology: Research and Practice, 11(1), 15–32. https://doi.org/10.1037/cfp0000210

Johnson, S. (2008). Hold me tight: Seven conversations for a lifetime of love. Little, Brown and Company.

Johnson, S. M., & Talitman, E. (1997). Predictors of success in emotionally focused marital therapy. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 23(2), 135-152. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1752-0606.1997.tb00239.x

Johnson, S. M., Moser, M. B., Beckes, L., Smith, A., Dalgleish, T., Halchuk, R., ... & Coan, J. A. (2013). Soothing the threatened brain: Leveraging contact comfort with emotionally focused therapy. PLoS One, 8(11), e79314. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0105489

Kailanko, S., Wiebe, S. A., Tasca, G. A., & Laitila, A. A. (2022). Impact of repeating somatic cues on the depth of experiencing for withdrawers and pursuers in emotionally focused couple therapy. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 48(3), 693-708. https://doi.org/10.1111/jmft.12544

Wiebe, S. A., & Johnson, S. M. (2016). A review of the research in emotionally focused therapy for couples. Family Process, 55(3), 390-407. https://doi.org/10.1111/famp.12229

https://www.eftresourcecenter.com/emotionally-focused-therapy-eft