Healthy Conversations Around Screentime with Your Child or Teen

“It’s that phone.” I used to hear my mother say. Often in response to every complaint of difficulty concentrating, headache, or whatever else she could attribute to having access to the world 24/7.

Our phones are often described as extensions of ourselves. It’s where we find connection, work, and entertainment. Technology has embedded itself into our daily lives and has brought its own positives and negatives, the latter forming terms like “doom scrolling”. You’ve experienced it before, the scrolling through your “for you page” from video to video and by the time you’re able to break away from the repetition, you realize an hour or more has gone by. There’s discourse that doom scrolling is “mind numbing” and detrimental to your mental health. As you think about it, your thoughts extend to your child. The time they spend on their devices, the difficulty you have getting them away from it, the arguments surrounding it, the often extreme reactions when you take it away, the noticeable lack of attention span, or the desire to do anything else. It’s a concern many parents have and one that requires a patient approach.

So, how do you have a healthy conversation around screen time?

It’s not a “because I said so” conversation:

Be honest and transparent about your concerns in a way that is age appropriate; “I’ve noticed you spending a lot of time on your tablet and I am worried that’s why you haven’t been sleeping well”.  Do not approach the topic with anger or in a way that could make them feel ashamed. Try to see it from their perspective in order to have a better understanding of how to approach them. You know your child best, meet them where they are at, and offer them a firm reason in a way they can understand.

Establish rules.

Set a schedule. One that works for both of you, whether that’s 3 hours or 1 hour after school, or 6 hours or more on the weekends. Make it collaborative so that they are more likely to stick to it. Maybe try creating a “screentime chart” together that creates some fun engagement.

Give them a chance to “earn” more screen time. Determine an allotted amount of time that would be equal to the accomplished task. (Ex. Earning 1 extra hour for earning good grades that week). 

“Patience is virtue.”

This is not an easy conversation for children, especially since it means the separation of something they are attached to. Reactivity to this decision should be prepared for, and being able to handle their reaction with patience and firmness can help 

Be ready for “withdrawals”. There may be tears and screams along the way when you enforce the rules (even if you set them together). They may beg for their devices, but it’s important to stay patient and firm. Teaching these boundaries may be difficult in the moment, but it is a good lesson for them.

You may have to find new means of entertainment.

”I don’t know what to do”. “I’m bored”. You may hear this often as they suddenly find themselves with “free time” and no idea of how to fill it. Having fun activities ready for them will help refrain from boredom and devices. This is also a great opportunity to have some quality time together! Providing fun and entertaining activities as an alternative will also help lessen the need to be entertained by a device.

You got this!

It may seem like a daunting task, but having a healthy conversation around screentime can lead to modeling what healthy conversations look like outside of this topic. Your child can also gain a better sense of autonomy through being able to collaborate with you on things that affect them. You can also gain a sense of relief in having your child be mindful of screentime. It’s also a great opportunity to create a time to bond and spend quality time together. Just remember to be honest and to stay firm and patient. :)