Gratitude vs. Toxic Positivity

As therapists, we often see how gratitude can transition into toxic positivity. However, clients can have a hard time distinguishing one from the other, especially while they are in the midst of it. Which brings forth the questions: What is gratitude? What is toxic positivity? 

Gratitude and toxic positivity walk alongside a thin line. Gratitude tries to see the positive things in life, so does toxic positivity. Gratitude counts its blessings, so does toxic positivity. Gratitude accompanies negative thoughts, so does toxic positivity.

If toxic positivity can do the same things as gratitude, what's so “toxic” about it? 

There is an important distinction between both. Toxic positivity does not allow you to feel the pain. It works as a cork to shove all those emotions into the proverbial bottle. You’ve probably heard it before: 

“Someone else has it worse”

“Look on the bright side!”

“Everything happens for a reason”

“You’re lucky to even have…”

“No worries at all, everything is totally fine!” 

“Don’t cry, you’re too strong for this!”

These phrases minimize and even reject your very real negative emotions. Engaging in toxic positivity can come from the desire to avoid discomfort and painful emotions, or acts as a buffer to avoid adding more negativity onto your plate. However, this does not erase the negative emotions as intended, instead it places them below the surface without processing them. Not processing your emotions can lead to dysregulation and distress. Glazing over these feelings can lead to further pain when the situation arises again— it’s a cycle that provides no solution.

Okay, so what is gratitude then? 

Gratitude recognizes the nuance of emotions and experiences. It allows you to experience your emotions while recognizing that the situation sucked. It’s taking a look at reality while finding the little joys within it. Think:

"I really appreciate this quiet moment of peace in the middle of a chaotic week." 

Thanking a friend/family member for being with you during tough times.

"Thank you for making space for me to have a bad day.”

"Even though today was incredibly hard, I am glad I got to experience [insert good thing]." 

Gratitude provides emotional resilience and allows you to process your emotions without becoming fully engulfed in them. It’s not forced or “faking it till you make it”. It’s a mindful practice that allows for acceptance. Important note: acceptance is not diminishing or invalidating experiences—it’s acknowledging that the experience has occurred. 

In the most simplest of terms; Gratitude is being mindfully thankful. Toxic positivity is forcing yourself to be thankful.

How can therapy help? Here at Bloom & Heal therapy, our therapists can compassionately guide you through acceptance and mindfulness to develop gratitude and distinguish it from toxic positivity. We help you uncover root causes, process difficult emotions, develop healthy coping mechanisms, and improve your relationships and boundaries. Our therapists can use a range of techniques from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to Somatic experiencing to achieve your healing goals.

I leave you with this: What is one way you can practice being grateful today?